So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
