You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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