the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
