why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
