I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
