I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
