You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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