So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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