I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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