just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
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I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
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Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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