ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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