god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my shit smells like andre
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
