I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
