My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
