turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The power of my boobs compel you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
