wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
sarcasm needs its own font
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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