I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
