I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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