chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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