I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
