i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
