I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
how drunk are you?
Several
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
