Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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