You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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