it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
