You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
