so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
