i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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