nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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