Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize