I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
