we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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