If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
