Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
