It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
