Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
