She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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