Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
