Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
