I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
