Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
