can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
