worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
