WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
