M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
