32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
