His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
