The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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