evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
