U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Two words: blizzard sex
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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