Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
