Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
