How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
