So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
