At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
