What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
