he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
