I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
