I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
