i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
