Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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