Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
