with your own penis?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
